Things Change

  I've spent the last 5 months at least, worried about my church, my christian life. If you don't know me, or I've never explained this to you before, please bear with me cause I'd rather not explain this over the Internet (feel free to ask me if we are in a place to talk).

    I had never considered  the idea of people i considered my best friends choosing a path different from mine so early in life. I had never even fathomed daily church life without them. The announcement was a punch to the face, and honestly, at first i felt betrayed. So very betrayed and alone, how could they do this, when i thought we were so happy there! I was mad, and sad, and hurt. Church just didn't feel the same anymore, an energy I'd grown so used to it was  seemingly natural then, had suddenly died, like an old candle finally being blow out. It was painful going to church, not seeing them there, missing them more than I'd ever thought possible.

  

  It felt awkward to see them and talk as if nothing had changed, and when i finally saw them for the first time after it happened, it was SO obvious there was a wall between us. My friends encouraged me, and i was happy to see them (we hugged, and exchanged sincere conversation), but i couldn't bring it forth in myself to change and embrace the new.

  Many months have passed, and so much has changed. Since it has happened I've had a boyfriend (broken up now), a birthday, and so much more. If you happen to be one of the people privately mentioned in this post (and you know who you are), i want to say that i love all of you as brothers and sisters in Christ, and i miss you a lot. It warms my heart to see you guys now, makes our meets much more appreciated. 

  I believe I'm stronger than i was that fateful August day, and this has made me more prepared to embrace change. I have learned to love my church in different ways, and to bind relationships with people i once hadn't really talked to before. I miss the way things were, but I'm not the exactly the same person i was 5 months ago. I'm ready to embrace High school, and the struggles it will give me. I'm ready to take a plunge into a new experience. It will be hard, and i might struggle with it for a while, but I'm looking forward to it.

   I decided a while ago to let go of the burdens i was carrying  on my shoulders for so long, but now at this moment, it is finally true. I'm still completely dedicated to my church, i love it there and am uncertain if i will ever find it in myself to leave it, despite everything.

  To my friends, i very sincerely hope  that you are happy with whatever life throws at you. I pray you touch people's lives as much as you have mine. I wish you well, and look forward to the next time i get to see you.

  Things might change, but sometimes the best and most wonderful thing to do, is learn to change with them.

    P.S. : Everything mentioned this post is based solely on my experiences in the last 5 months past. I trust that everyone that was involved reading this are completely understanding in my decision to post this to the general public. I find it okay to discuss my personal life here on my blog as long as the people mentioned are kept anonymous, if any of my friends disagree with this explanation or my writing it publicly, i ask your forgiveness on the spot. This has been weighing on my heart for sometime and i felt it right to write about it now. Thank you for reading this, I love you all!